


Infinite Dreams

by rockfantasyfan



Category: Iron Maiden
Genre: A.U, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:45:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13868550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockfantasyfan/pseuds/rockfantasyfan
Summary: His band having broken up, heavy metal vocalist Bruce Dickinson takes a job at a pub where a young musician named Janick strikes up a friendship with him - a friendship that could lead to much more.





	Infinite Dreams

Bruce waved to one of the regulars as they came in the door and pulled the perfect pint of stout, letting it rest then topping it off with a good foamy head. Bartending was both easier and more complicated than he expected, but then he had never given it any thought before. His experience had been on the other side of the bar; drinking, laughing, flirting with the girls who followed the band. Only now there was no more band. Landing a job at the pub was just a happenstance, he could very well have been accepted at any of the other positions he applied for. Or at none at all. Expelled from school with no degree and the only experience on his resume that of being a singer in a metal band, Bruce was fortunate to have found a job at all and he knew it. 

It wasn't all that bad, he had to admit. The pub was a working class establishment and most of the patrons were older than his 24 years so after several weeks on the job he began to genuinely enjoy the job. Thought of as the short kid with the long brown hair and quick wit, he had become a favorite with many of the regulars and was earning enough to scrape by while trying to stay busy enough not to have to think of his future. He loved singing more than anything but when the band's leader announced he was joining the military, the band had dissolved and that seemed to end that dream. Bruce hadn't given up. Far from it. He was simply waiting for the next opportunity, only that opportunity seemed to be taking a long time to materialize and he was not a patient man.

He groaned to himself, seeing the brown haired girl come into the pub. This particular girl had been coming in every night and flirting with Bruce, not taking the hint that he simply wasn't interested. Usually not one to pass up a chance for a good shag, he found he simply couldn't muster up the interest. The girl parked herself on her regular barstool and Bruce made himself busy at the other end of the bar, pretending he hadn't noticed her come in, gazing out the window to avoid catching her eye. Outside on the busy sidewalks he noticed a group of five men around his own age walk past, two of whom were carrying guitar cases strapped across their backs. Musicians, no doubt heading to one of the pubs a few blocks down that featured live bands on Saturday nights.. Bruce felt the familiar longing and had to look down, focusing on the glasses he was washing. He missed performing, as time passed he missed it more rather than less. 

A stool closer to where he stood was vacated and the pesky brunette girl moved into it. He was forced to wait on her but didn't linger, throwing the older man who owned the pub a pointed look until he came and mercifully gave Bruce a task in the storeroom. Nearly an hour later when he emerged again, the girl was gone. The pub was much busier now, standing room only as patrons lined up at the bar to order their drinks, and Bruce was glad of the diversion. It was nearly midnight but there was still two hours left on his shift. He chatted with several of the older men, laughing at their banter as they teased him about the length of his hair, then he turned to wait on a new group that just came in.

With interest, Bruce saw that it was the five young men he's seen pass on the sidewalk carrying instruments a few hours earlier. Three of them seemed to be there to meet people, going straight to a snug near the back. The other two, a nondescript dark haired guy and a guy with wavy nut-brown hair carrying a guitar case across his back joined the throng at the bar. Bruce went over to take their order. The dark haired one ordered two pints, not even meeting Bruce's eye as he did but instead watching a group of girls at the end of the bar. As soon as the drinks were served, he went straight over to the girls, leaving the wavy haired one looking after him with a bemused smile.  
"Looks like your friend is deserting you for greener pastures." Bruce remarked.  
The young man laughed a little. "He always does. Always seems to get lucky, too."  
Bruce smiled, thinking to himself that if this one gave half a try he would score in minutes. He was remarkably attractive.  
"You're a guitarist?" Bruce nodded at the guitar case the guy had leaned against the bar next to him.  
The nodded. "We just finished a gig a couple blocks from here. We were just the fill-in band, the regular band canceled for some reason or other."  
"What sort of music do you play?"  
"Metal, mostly. Some call it NAOBHM but that's quite a mouthful. I just call it rock and roll."  
Bruce nodded. "They used to refer to the band I was with as NAOBHM too. Silly distinction, really."  
The wavy haired man looked at Bruce with new interest. "You're in a band?"  
Bruce shook his head. "Used to be. They broke up a few months back."  
"What did you play?"  
"I was the singer."  
"You haven't given it up, have you?"  
"No, not really, but I have to pay the rent, so here I am." Bruce gestured around the bar. "Something will come up. "  
The guy grinned. "I'm Janick, by the way."  
Bruce returned the smile. "I'm Bruce. You must not be from around here. I haven't seen you or your mates in here before, and you sound like a northerner."  
Janick laughed. "Not surprised you noticed that. Yeah, I'm from Hartlepool. The others are from up that way, too."  
There were others crowding the bar to place orders, but between customers he found himself returning to chat more with Janick. Bruce was a little dazzled by how attractive he found the guitarist. He was slender with long legs and his hair fell in warm brown waves just past his shoulders, but Bruce was especially drawn to his face. He had a strong, square jaw and expressive sky-blue eyes that lit up when he talked about subjects that interested him which, Bruce discovered, were many of the same subjects he was interested in as well. Not only music but football, current events, even history. He learned that Jan was actually slightly older than he was which surprised him as Jan seemed more guileless than he was himself. Not innocent, that wasn't the right word, but certainly without Bruce's cynicism.  
Closing time came far to quickly and Bruce was genuinely sorry to see Janick leave, watching him as he walked outside to catch the bus at the corner. His band was staying around for a few weeks, Jan had told him, having lined up a few gigs in the area, and they were staying at a hostel across town. Bruce hoped he would see his new friend again, and as he was going through his closing duties his mind strayed, remembering Janick's long legs and perfect ass as he was walking out of the bar. It had been a few years since Bruce found himself attracted to a man but he freely admitted to himself he found Jan very appealing indeed.

Bruce looked for Janick the next several nights and found it somewhat surprising how disappointed he was at not seeing him. He cursed himself for not asking the name of Jan's band, if he had he could have asked some of his old contacts where the band was appearing. He was curious as to how well Jan played. Actually he was curious about anything concerning the young guitarist. Finally he had to admit to himself that he had a crush on Jan. There had been nothing to indicate that Jan would ever be interested in a man but still Bruce felt his heart quicken when, five days after their meeting, he looked down the bar one evening to see Jan sitting there. He hadn't seen him enter the pub, he's been busy trying to avoid the annoying advances of the brown haired girl, but Jan was watching him and as soon as their eyes met, Jan smiled. Bruce's heart went from merely beating faster to hammering against his ribs. He deliberately remained where he was for a few minutes, giving himself time to regain composure. The brown haired girl was talking to him but he wasn't aware of a word she said.

Once again Bruce and Jan talked through the night whenever Bruce was able to get a break from his duties. Fortunately it was a weeknight and much less crowded but still it seemed that there wasn't enough time to talk and the more they got to know one another, the more they found in common. Bruce was quite surprised to learn Jan had heard of his former band. They had been gaining a modest following, true, but in the few months since disbanding Bruce had been certain they had been completely forgotten.  
"I never had a chance to hear you guys play," Jan told him, "but I did hear someone refer to the singer as sounding like a bullhorn, or something like that."  
Bruce laughed. "Air raid siren, maybe? One newspaper critic called me that, and I don't think he was being complimentary."  
"I wish I could have heard you." Jan had an odd tone to his voice as he said that but seemed to realize it and abruptly changed the subject, going on to tell Bruce his own band had lined up a few more local gigs.  
"We're thinking of relocating here. It's closer to London and sometimes record company scouts are said to check out the clubs here for new talent. The exposure will do us good."  
Bruce tried to encourage Jan to stay in the area without making it obvious his own reasons were personal, and when Jan mentioned that his band had a gig Friday night at a club Bruce was familiar with, Bruce knew he had to trade shifts with someone in order to be free that night. Barring that, he would just call in sick but one way or another he was determined to see Jan perform. Beyond feeling a simple physical attraction to his new friend, Bruce found Jan intelligent and engaging, his sense of humor a perfect foil for Bruce's own. There was an immediate connection between the two of them to the point they felt they had known one another for years in spite of having just met. At closing time when Jan left they made arrangements to meet after Friday's gig for a beer.

Bruce was lucky. The daytime bartender had a baby on the way and was anxious for extra money so gladly took Bruce's Friday night shift. The club where Jan's band was appearing was one Bruce had actually played at with his former band and several people there knew him, catching up with him while he waited for the band to start their set. Once the band took the stage, however, everything else faded from Bruce's consciousness. He had seen dozens of small, local bands and dozens of guitarists and while he was confidant from hearing Jan speak that he knew his way around a guitar, he was completely unprepared for the actual performance. The band played their own original music but the guitar sound was raw, using distortion in a way Bruce felt was distinctive to their sound. Janick was brilliant in his playing but his stage presence was what mesmerized Bruce. His moves were sinuous, his eyes closed, completely lost in the music until he seemed to be in another time and place, moving against his guitar and at several points during the show playing the strings against the cabinets or even laying the guitar on the floor to play with his foot. Bruce had never seen anything like it and it completely blew his mind. He made it a point to track down the band after their set, finding them in a loading bay behind the bar loading their equipment in an older transport van. Not a shy man by any means, Bruce called out to Janick.  
"Hey, I knew you'd be good but you're fucking fantastic!"  
Jan looked up and laughed. "You caught our show! Great, glad you liked it. Guys, this is my friend Bruce."  
The other band members either said hello or just thanked Bruce for the compliment, but Jan came over to where he stood by the bay door.  
"Wanna go back in for a pint?"  
"Can't turn that down!" Bruce followed the slender man back inside, not even trying to divert his gaze from the perfectly rounded ass in the skin tight gray jeans in front of him. Damn, this guy was hot and he didn't even seem to be aware of it. A couple girls of the type Bruce knew well, the wanna-be groupies who followed small bands, sauntered over to Jan but he ignored them and they soon gave up. The two men found two empty stools at the end of the bar.  
"That blonde girl wasn't half bad, you'd have been all right there, mate!" Bruce commented. Jan merely shrugged. 'Interesting,' Bruce thought. 'I wonder if.......'

Bruce knew a thing or two about guitar techniques though he was an indifferent player himself, so the two discussed the sounds of particular players they admired. Both were huge Deep Purple fans, it seemed, as well as sharing an admiration for Rory Gallagher and Jimmy Page among others. When Bruce mentioned he could see the Blackmore influence in his playing, Jan beamed like it was the greatest compliment he could have ever been given. When he turned on that full wattage smile Bruce felt something catch in his chest, something warm and fluttery that he couldn't define. It was completely different from what he felt earlier, something he readily recognized as pure lust. this was somehow deeper, something Bruce was unfamiliar with.  
The two spent over two hours talking music and joking over a few beers, but closing time approached and Jan said he would have to hurry to catch the bus back to the hostel where the band was staying. The others had left long ago.  
"I'll give you a lift, mate."  
"No, it's on the other side of town. The buses run all night, it's no problem."  
"Come on, save yourself the bus fare. I don't mind."  
Reluctantly, Jan agreed and the two made their way outside to where Bruce had left his old Volvo. As it turned out, his own small flat wasn't terribly far from the hostel where Jan and his mates stayed.  
"If you guys are going to stay around here, you'll have to find some proper digs. Even hostels can get expensive after a time."  
"I know, but some of the guys don't want to stay. They have girlfriends or family back up north."  
"And you haven't?  
"My family are there, sure, but they're fine with my staying here if I want to. As long as I'm making enough money to get by and I'm happy, they're all for it."  
"Must be nice." Bruce muttered, but Jan heard him.  
"Your family aren't in favor of you living here?"  
"They don't much care where I live. They're just glad to have me out of their way."  
Jan glanced across the car in surprise. "Surely you don't mean that!"  
"Afraid I do. I was an unhappy "accident" that forced them into marriage before they were out of their teens and they couldn't take care of me. Or wouldn't. I was shuffled off to my grandparents before I could even walk and packed away to boarding school as soon as I was old enough. I haven't seen or heard from my family in years."  
"I'm sorry, Bruce." The genuine note in Jan's soft voice made Bruce ashamed of himself for bitching.  
"I shouldn't have said anything, it really isn't any big deal."  
"I think it is, I could hear it in your voice."  
Bruce shot Jan a quick look, taken aback by the tone of his voice. He sounded as though he was interested, as though he actually cared. The idea of anyone showing that much concern for his pathetic childhood was unusual for Bruce and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. In the end, he said nothing and finished the drive in silence. He pulled to the curb in front of hostel sign, but Jan didn't immediately get out.  
"I'm sorry if I was nosy, Bruce. I hope you're not upset that I was prying."  
This astonished Bruce because that wasn't the case at all. "You didn't pry, Jan! I'm just not used to talking about myself."  
"It's good to have someone to talk to, you know."  
Bruce merely shrugged. "I don't need anyone."  
"Hmmm." Jan sounded unconvinced. "Well, suit yourself. But I'm a good listener, if you ever feel like talking. Goodnight, Bruce. Thanks for the lift."  
Jan unlatched the door but Bruce called out. "Wait..."  
Jan turned, and Bruce realized he didn't know why he'd spoken. "Um, will you be by the pub next week"  
Jan grinned. "Sure. As often as I can. See you!"  


 

Bruce drove home in a strange frame of mind. Janick was different from anyone he had ever known, certainly different from the bullies he had known in school or the hard-partying band mates in his old band who were only interested in getting drunk and getting laid. He wasn't innocent but there was a childlike quality about him, he was open and seemed not to care if he was a bit unconventional. He enjoyed his beer but wasn't driven to get drunk and, from what Bruce was able to observe, had no more than a passing interest in the girls who followed his band. He wasn't sure what to make of the soft-spoken northerner but he felt drawn to him in a way he couldn't explain. It was something, at least, to distract him from the stagnation his own life had fallen into recently. His own one-room flat was bare to the point of blandness and it had been weeks since he'd even had a bird over for company. He was falling into a depression, he realized, and he was clueless what to do about it. No one was auditioning for a singer, it seemed. At least no bands he had any interest in and he damned sure wasn't going to lower himself to sing oldies or pop music. And to make it worse he'd seen an article in an equestrian magazine at the supermarket. His sister had advanced into the national show jumping competition. His sister, whom he barely knew. The sister his parents had kept at home rather than bundling off to grandparents or boarding school. The sister who had the nurturing childhood he had been denied. He shouldn't pay it any mind, he knew. She may be his flesh and blood but she was a total stranger to him. Yet the resentment was there and he couldn't deny it.

Bruce spent his day off scouring the music trade papers for bands auditioning for a metal vocalist. There were one or two, but all were in other cities and if he took the chance of being accepted he could no longer keep his bartending job. He was impulsive but not foolish. He replied to one in a city an hour away but didn't hold out much hope. The first few days back at work were uneventful. He enjoyed the banter with the locals but there was no sign of Janick and he found himself wishing he'd exchanged numbers with the guitarist. He was worried that the band had left the area, Jan had mentioned something to that effect, and the thought of losing touch with the long-legged blonde was something he didn't want to face. He had friends, drinking buddies and mates he knew from his days with the band, but Janick was different and he knew it. 

Nearly a week went by before Bruce chanced to look up from the pint he was pulling to see Janick and another from his band seated at the end of the bar. They were deep in conversation and didn't see him at first so he watched for a moment. Jan's golden brown hair was bright even in the indistinct light and he seemed agitated, talking earnestly with the other guy, a guy Bruce remembered as being the bassist, Phil. After a few minutes, Phil stood and abruptly left the pub and Bruce saw Jan sigh and shake his head. After finishing with his current customer, Bruce made his way over.  
"Hello, Jan. Is everything all right?"  
Jan grimaced a bit. "Not really. Could I get a pint of mild, please?"  
Bruce complied, ignoring the other customers momentarily. Jan downed the beer in three gulps and asked for another.  
"Look, mate, remember when you told me if I needed to talk, I could talk to you? That goes both ways, you know."  
Jan managed a smile, the same smile that for some reason made Bruce's insides flip. "Right, and thanks. Right now I just feel like getting pissed, though."  
"That's your privilege, but I'm off in about an hour if you want to go someplace quieter then."  
Another smile, more heartfelt this time. "Yeah, maybe."  
Preoccupied with watching the guitarist out of the corner of his eye as he downed several more pints, Bruce finished his shift. Ordinarily he lingered after work, helping the boss wash up and sweep the floors but he mumbled a quick excuse this time and made his way to where Jan was getting to his feet somewhat unsteadily, trying to put on his jacket and missing the sleeve with his arm. Bruce wordlessly took the jacket from him and guided his arm into the sleeve.  
Jan laughed. "Damned coat wouldn't hold still!"  
"Right, it's all the coat's fault. Come on, mate, lets get you out into some fresh air."  
The two filed out with the other stragglers as the landlord impatiently waited to lock up, Bruce letting Jan walk ahead in the exaggeratedly careful manner of someone more than slightly drunk. Outside, he stumbled slightly over an uneven patch of sidewalk and Bruce caught his arm. Jan didn't comment, walking along quietly at his side. After walking two or three blocks toward where Bruce had parked his vehicle, Bruce finally spoke.  
"All right then, what's got your knickers in such a twist tonight?"  
"They're going home."  
It took Bruce a moment to piece together what he meant. "Your band are going back north, you mean?"  
Jan nodded. "Yeah, after we had just started building a following here. They want to throw it all away. We even had a scout from a record label coming around. A small label, sure, but a better chance than anything we've had before."  
They arrived at Bruce's car and he unlocked the passenger door. Jan got in without a word.  
"Well, why?" Bruce asked after climbing in behind the wheel.  
Jan gave a sort of snort. "Girlfriends back home. Promises of regular jobs. All the fucking work we've put into this band and they're just turning their backs on it."  
Bruce was sympathetic. It was all to similar to how his own band had broken up. "Are you staying here, though?" It was somehow crucial that he know.  
"Hell yes I am! But Phil and I, we started this band back when we were sixteen years old! I thought he was as committed as I am. The bastard!"  
The vehemence in Jan's voice was out of character for the gentle-hearted man and Bruce didn't comment, instead starting the car.  
"You need a lift back to the hostel, then?"  
"I suppose so, but I can't stay there much longer, we got a group rate on a dorm and I can't afford it on my own."  
"You can kip at my place for a while."  
Jan looked over at him. "You hardly know me!"  
Bruce shrugged. "I'm a good judge of character, I don't think you'll knife me in my sleep!"  
Jan laughed. "No, no I'm not going to do that. I can't say I wouldn't appreciate it, if your offer is for real."  
"I wouldn't have said it if it weren't."

 

"It wouldn't be for long. Just until I can either find a new band or some other kind of job."  
"Don't worry about that, my place is cheap enough. Just pay me what you can."  
"That's really nice of you." Jan spoke in that soft voice and Bruce felt that odd feeling in his chest again, not to mention the twitch in his groin at the thought of having this incredibly attractive man in such close proximity. He had to watch himself there, he knew. His reasons for offering to put Jan up were on the level, he genuinely liked the bloke.  
"When are your mates leaving, then?"  
"Tomorrow morning. Imagine that! They all bought bus tickets home and didn't even think to tell me until after tonight's gig!"  
"That does seem kind of abrupt." Bruce had to agree.  
"They weren't trying to be arse's, they knew I didn't want to leave." Jan sighed and lay his head back against the car seat. He was half dozing, Bruce could tell, so rather than bringing him to the hostel he drove to his own flat before poking him in the shoulder to wake him.  
"Hmmm....what? Where are we?" Jan looked out the window groggily.  
"My place. We can pick up your things in the morning but I think you've just about had it for the night, mate."  
"Um, I suppose." Jan's eyes threatened to close again and Bruce grabbed his arm again.  
"Come on, let's get you inside while you can still walk!"  
He went around, opening Jan's door and waited until he stepped from the car a little unsteadily, ready to put out an arm if the other man looked like he was going to fall but he made it fine until they came to the stairs. Halfway up Janick teetered and would have fallen backward if Bruce hadn't been directly behind him, grabbing him by the waist to steady him, a part of his mind acutely aware of the warmth of the man through the thin tee shirt. At the top Jan leaned against the wall as Bruce unlocked the door but once inside Jan got an odd look on his face.  
"Um, Bruce? Which way is your bathroom?"  
Having an inkling of what was coming, Bruce guided the other man across the room quickly and flicked on the bathroom light right before Jan fell to his knees and was sick into the bowl. Thankful he wasn't squeamish, Bruce brushed back Jan's long hair and held it at the back of his neck until Jan had finished heaving and sat back exhausted on the cold tiles.  
"Sit there a moment, I'll be right back."  
Jan barely nodded, his eyes closed, and Bruce got a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to the other man, letting him sip it slowly until he regained some of his composure,  
"Wow, I'm sorry, man!" he finally gasped.  
Bruce had to chuckle. "Happens to all of us, mate. I saw you put away at least six pints in under an hour."  
Jan managed a wan smile. "That's not counting the four I had right after the gig and a couple whiskies as well."  
Bruce laughed outright at that. "You're not going to feel very chipper in the morning. Want something to settle your stomach? I can make toast or something."  
Jan shook his head, then winced and put his palm to his forehead. "No, better not. Wish I had a toothbrush, though."  
Bruce rummaged in a drawer under the sink and pulled out an unopened package. "Here you go, but I'm afraid you'll have to use my paste." He reached down and guided Jan to his feet, noting that he looked a little more steady now. He left the bathroom, closing the door to give his new roommate some privacy. 

Out in his combination lounge/bedroom/kitchen it suddenly occurred to Bruce that there was only one bed. Well, the couch would have to do and he was sure Jan wasn't in any condition to be particular. A few minutes later, Jan emerged from the bathroom, still a bit unsteady but having made himself a bit more presentable, he was still running a comb through his unruly long hair and his face was damp from having splashed water on it. Bruce had dug a couple of spare blankets from the depths of his closet and slipped a spare case over the only spare pillow and Jan sank gratefully down on the couch.  
"I'm not making a very good first impression, am I?" he said with a rueful smile.  
"Think nothing of it, just get yourself some sleep. There's water in the fridge and a bottle of aspirin on the ledge over the kitchen sink. I think you'll be needing it when you wake up."  
Jan managed to smile but he fell sideways on the couch, his eyes already closing.  
"For heaven's sake." Bruce muttered, stooping to unlace and slip off the other man's Reeboks then lifting his legs and pulling the thin blanket over the already sleeping guitarist. Bruce looked down at him for a moment, feeling a surge of protectiveness that somewhat surprised him. He barely knew this man and had already welcomed him into his home and, he realized, into his life. And he didn't feel one iota of regret.

After performing his own nightly ablutions, Bruce changed into the loose sweats and sleeveless tee he slept in and crawled into the bed in the far corner of the room, switching off the one lamp. The only indication that he wasn't alone was an occasional soft snore or unintelligible murmur from the direction of the couch several feet away. He was tired but he was keenly aware that Jan was there just a few feet away and he knew he should be more concerned about impulsively offering to let the man stay there, but he couldn't be. 

Sometime later, Bruce was awakened by a sensation of warmth he couldn't at first identify. It took a few minutes for him to realize that, at some point, Jan had crept into his bed with him and was lying against his back, apparently asleep. After a momentary alarm, Bruce found the closeness rather comforting. Jan wasn't deliberately touching him, he may even have been unaware that he had moved from the couch to the bed in his sleepy, drunken state. Bruce's next thought was an awareness that he had an erection and he was torn between embarrassment and a rapidly forming need to wank off. He could slip out of bed to the bathroom to take care of it, but the moment he made a move to do so, Jan made a slight sound like a sigh and Bruce felt his arm slip around his waist. Shit! Now what? If Jan moved his hand a few inches lower his condition would be plainly obvious, and if he tried to slip out of bed now he would surely wake the other man. This was a predicament he hadn't anticipated and he lay in tense indecision for a few minutes trying to will his erection away. Unfortunately, Jan had moved closer to Bruce by putting his arm around him and Bruce could feel the heat and the bulge of the other man's groin against his arse. His excitement grew rather than diminished and he finally decided he had to get out of the bed. Moving away as subtly as he could, he only got a few inches before Jan's arm tightened around him.  
"Umm, don't go." Jan murmured, and Bruce wasn't sure whether he was talking in his sleep or was conscious of what he was saying. Then all doubt was removed as he felt Jan's lips graze the back of his neck.  
Bruce froze, his traitorous cock growing achingly hard now. "Janick?" He managed to whisper. "Are you asleep?" It seemed a silly question but it was all he could think to say.  
"No..."Jan murmured, kissing Bruce's exposed shoulder, and then as Bruce feared, Jan's hand slid lower and grazed against the prominent bulge in his pajamas. "No," Jan repeated, a teasing note in his voice, "and neither are you, I see!"  
He pressed his hand harder against Bruce, cupping him, and Bruce gasped. "Jan, what are you doing?"  
"Nothing.....unless you want me to!"  
Bruce was frozen in indecision. "You're drunk, Janick! You don't know what you're doing."  
"I'm not drunk anymore, I'm horny!"  
"But...." Bruce cursed himself for stammering, "I didn't know you liked blokes!"  
"I didn't know it, either," Jan kissed Bruce's neck again, running his tongue teasingly around his ear. "But I can tell you do."  
Bruce couldn't take that tongue circling his earlobe any longer, he turned to face Jan though he could barely make him out in the dim light from the street outside the windows. He put his hands on Jan's shoulders, surprised to see that at some point Jan had taken off his shirt. The warm, smooth flesh felt impossibly hot against his palms. "I'm not going to take advantage of you! You figured out I want you, I don't know how but you figured it out, but I can't take advantage of you."  
"Well, then." Jan slipped both his arms around Bruce, "I guess it's up to me to take advantage of you!" and with that he moved in and kissed Bruce full on the mouth. He tasted of minty toothpaste and smelled faintly of herbal shampoo in spite of a night of heavy drinking and Bruce felt his resolve melt.  
"Oh, God!" he gasped, meeting the kiss, returning it hungrily, feeling the teasing tip of Jan's tongue slip between his lips to seek out his own.  
"Never kissed a man before." Jan murmured as he drew away. "Never wanted to before."  
"But why me?" Bruce felt he was crazy for asking, he shouldn't be questioning this, but he wanted to know.  
"The way you look at me," Jan was kissing him again, his mouth working along Bruce's jaw and neck. "I'm not wrong, am I?"  
"Oh hell no, you're not wrong!" Bruce completely gave in by now. "I wanted you from the moment I first laid eyes on you! But that isn't why I asked you here."  
"I know...I know that. Shut up now, Bruce." Jan crushed his lips against Bruce's again. Bruce's mind whirled. He knew that in spite of claiming otherwise, the man was still at least a little drunk. He knew he shouldn't be doing this but the heat of Jan's slender body, the smooth, almost hairless chest pressed against his own, and more than anything else the unmistakable hardness pressing against him through the briefs that seemed to be all Jan was wearing were driving him out of his mind. Knowing that this could be the biggest mistake he could ever make, he nevertheless flipped the other man onto his back and kneed his legs apart, grinding his own hardness against Jan's until the blonde was panting raggedly.  
"What do you want, Jan?" he managed to ask.  
"Want to suck you!" Jan murmured against the skin of Bruce's shoulder. "Want to know if you're as big as it feels like you are. Want to know if you're as hairy as I think you are."  
He felt Jan continue to kiss around the collar of his shirt while the slim fingers crept beneath, grazing up his flanks and brushing teasingly across his nipples. Jan attempted to pull the shirt over Bruce's head and Bruce took over, pulling it off and slipping out of his pants as well. He was rewarded by a soft, high moan as his hardness was freed and pressed against Jan's bare stomach. Jan kissed his way lower, fingers combing through the thick, straight hair of Bruce's chest.  
"Never known anyone so hairy." he commented, then he giggled, "but I've never done this with a man before."  
Bruce was certain now that Jan was still drunk and felt he had to try to stop this while he still had the will to do so. He put his hands on Jan's shoulders even as he felt the pointed tip of Jan's tongue flick across his nipple.  
"Jan...Janick! You shouldn't be doing this, you really don't want to do this...." Bruce broke off with a groan as he felt Jan's fist close gently around his member.  
He felt Jan move against him, rubbing himself against his leg, he even felt the moisture of Jan's excitement through the briefs he still wore.  
"Didn't I tell you to just shut up and let me do this?" Jan admonished him softly, his tongue again darting out and tracing a line down Bruce's chest and stomach. At the first touch of that tongue on the head of his dick Bruce cried out loud, bucking his hips involuntarily. Jan's hands pressed against him, holding him still.  
"No, don't." Another lick, up his length this time. "I don't know how to do this, I just know I want to."  
With an effort Bruce held himself still, though it was torture as Jan explored him, not yet taking him into his mouth but letting his lips and tongue familiarize themselves with Bruce. He felt Jan moving against his leg and was sharply reminded of how he'd seen him move onstage, how he had held his guitar against his groin and lunged against it in the heat of the music and how it had affected him even as he watched in the crowd.  
"Take off your boxers." Bruce managed to groan, and Jan immediately pushed them down, kicking them off. He felt so hard and hot against Bruce's skin that as soon as his mouth returned to encompass Bruce, he lost control, crying out and spending himself with no warning at all deep into Jan's mouth.  
Jan sputtered a little with the suddenness of it but continued sucking, thrusting himself against Bruce's leg until Bruce felt the hot bursts of Jan's orgasm against him. It was the most erotic thing Bruce had ever experienced.

Jan collapsed against Bruce's stomach, soft hair fanning across his skin as he fought to regain his composure. After a few moments he all but crawled up to rest his head against Bruce's chest and Bruce reached out to stroke that impossibly soft hair. It seemed that Jan fell asleep almost immediately and if it weren't for the still-quivering sensation in his balls and the stickiness on his legs, Bruce would have thought he had dreamt the entire episode. Still stroking the long hair draped across him, Bruce too drifted off to sleep.

The first thing Bruce was aware of upon waking was the weight on his chest. He fought his way out of the fog of sleep and opened his eyes, being met with waves of long, honey gold hair and the sensation of warm breath against the skin of his chest. Gradually, the memory of the night before returned to him and he felt a momentary panic. So it had really happened! This slim, gorgeous, exotic man had made love to him in the middle of the night. Jan was sleeping deeply and not surprisingly, considering how pissed he's been the night before. Would he even remember what had happened when he woke? Bruce wasn't sure if it would be best if he did or if he didn't. He knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that it had been completely out of character for Jan to have acted that way and that if he remembered it all he could feel embarrassed or ashamed. Still unsure of how to handle it, Bruce eased himself from beneath the sleeping blonde and quietly made his way to the shower. He was half hard again just remembering it and found himself wanking off as he showered. Nothing like that had ever happened to him before. He was no saint, he could even be considered promiscuous, especially when he had been with the band, and he had never been particularly discerning about the gender of his bedmates, but this was a completely different situation. Janick was different. He couldn't say exactly how, but he knew it was different with him and that the connection he felt for the blonde guitarist was beyond merely physical. Having no idea what to expect, he emerged from the bathroom in a clean pair of athletic pants, almost hoping against hope that Jan had left while he'd been in there.  
He hadn't. Bruce found the blonde sitting up in bed, obviously just awakening and suffering a killer of a hangover. He was still nude but had pulled the sheet up to his chest and sat with his arms circling his knees, his head bent against his forearms. Hearing Bruce enter, he looked up blearily.  
"Did you say you have aspirin?" he croaked.  
Bruce couldn't hold back a grin, fetching the aspirin bottle and a bottle of water which Jan accepted gratefully, downing four of the pills.  
"Told you you were going to have a bad morning, mate!" As long as Jan didn't refer to their midnight activities, Bruce decided he wouldn't either. He was glad to avoid what would have been a very awkward conversation.  
"You can say that again. I had some pretty fucking weird dreams, too!"  
"Oh?" Bruce pulled a tee shirt over his head and rummaged in the refrigerator to avoid looking at Jan.  
"Yeah..." Jan rubbed his hands over his face and ran them through his tousled hair. "Why am I naked?"  
Bruce laughed, not knowing how to respond to that. "Your clothes are on the couch."  
"Oh. Um, do you think you could toss them over here so I can get dressed?"  
Bruce gathered the tee shirt and skinny jeans, not tossing but handing them to Jan. He hoped he wouldn't ask where his underwear was because he was sure it was tangled somewhere in the sheets. Jan seemed to look for them briefly but abandoned the search, dressing himself beneath the cover of the sheet. He looked at the clock mounted on the wall over Bruce's refrigerator.  
"Shit! It's after eleven. The guy's left on the ten o'clock bus. Guess I really didn't want to say goodbye anyway, I'm still really angry with them."  
"You still going to stay with me awhile, till you get something worked out?" Bruce distracted himself by putting bagels in the toaster, trying to keep his tone casual.  
"I'd appreciate it, if the offer is still open."  
"Of course it is! You're welcome for as long as you need to stay."  
Jan gave a brilliant smile. "Thanks, Bruce. If I get in the way, just tell me."  
"You won't, I'm sure of it. We get along really well." Bruce felt himself flush, something he was not prone to do, and he busied himself spreading butter on a bagel and offering it to a now-clothed Jan. Jan was still rummaging idly amongst the bedclothes and just before he accepted the bagel from Bruce, he drew out a pair of black silk briefs, obviously his own. He looked at them, puzzled, then looked at Bruce, automatically accepting the bagel. Then suddenly his eyes opened wide and he dropped the bagel, butter and all, on the bed with a gasp.  
"It wasn't a dream!" he muttered, his face a mask of shock.  
'Aw, shit!' Bruce thought to himself. It would have been so much easier if Jan hadn't remembered. As it was, Bruce didn't know what to do but he couldn't tear his eyes from Jan's. He backed up and sat on the edge of the couch, not speaking.  
Jan's gray eyes registered a dozen emotions, chasing each other through his mind so fast Bruce couldn't even begin to guess what they were. After a moment Jan reached down and picked up the dropped bagel but his eyes never left Bruce's. Bruce waited for him to speak, half dreading what he might say.  
"Were you going to tell me it actually happened?" was all he finally said.  
Bruce had to be honest. "I hadn't decided. I didn't want you to freak out. And I still want you to stay here but I don't want you to think it's because.....well, you know."  
Jan sat in silence, the bagel forgotten in his hand. "I can't believe I did something like that!" he finally said, almost as if to himself. "I didn't think I was that drunk!"  
"Hey, are you saying someone would only come on to me if they were dead drunk?!" Bruce tried for levity and was rewarded by a wan smile from Jan.  
"Obviously not! But....." Jan shook his head, at a loss for words.  
"Listen," Bruce sat forward, his tone earnest. "If you want, we can pretend it never happened. I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me."  
Jan sat there in silence and Bruce realized he had to let the man come to terms with it on his own. He got up and went to the kitchen area, busying himself with putting away the clean dishes and cleaning the counters.  
After several minutes, Jan spoke. "I remember it all now. And I remember why I did it."  
That got Bruce's attention. He returned to his seat on the couch, waiting for Jan to go on.  
Jan seemed to be searching for words. "I like you. Well, that's obvious now, isn't it?" he laughed a bit nervously. "What I mean is, I got a.....a vibe from you, I guess you could call it. I couldn't help but notice you staring at my ass...." he trailed off, embarrassed, looking down and picking at the bagel, eating a tiny bite. Then he looked up boldly, as though he'd made a decision. "But I don't think you noticed I was staring at yours too. I've never been.....well, attracted to men before. I guess it took me getting a snoot full to do something about it."  
Bruce found himself smiling. "So we're okay, then? Still friends, I mean?"  
Jan returned the smile. "Yeah, we're okay. " He paused for a moment, then in a quiet voice he asked, "How was it? For you, I mean?" Jan was beet red, seemingly mortified by asking but Bruce knew that beneath it Jan really was curious.  
"It was fan-fucking-tastic! I wish it had been better for you, though." After all, Jan had only gotten off by basically humping Bruce's leg.  
If it was possible, Jan turned a shade redder and he looked away. "I remember it being pretty good."  
Bruce wanted to make one thing clear. "I want you to know I won't expect anything like that to happen again, you know? Unless..." he grinned, "you get curious again. And in that case I can promise it will be a hell of a lot better!"  
Jan laughed, the tension in the room breaking. He brushed Bruce's comment off as a joke but Bruce meant it, he meant every word.  
Jan retreated to the bathroom then and Bruce heard the shower running. When he came back into the living area his long hair was wet and starting to curl and he was wearing the same clothes, obviously as they were all he had with him.  
"I can run you to the hostel to pick up your things," Bruce volunteered. "I don't work until six. "  
Jan took him up on that offer but stopped at a newspaper rack on the sidewalk outside the building and looking through the help wanted section as Bruce drove.  
It took him only a few minutes to gather his things, a large duffel bag and a knapsack as well as three guitars in cases, which Bruce helped him carry. The dorm where he and the band had been staying for over two weeks was deserted and he saw the expression on Jan's face as he looked around. Bruce could sympathize. He knew from their previous conversations that Jan had been friends with most of the band members since school and he could understand how betrayed and abandoned Jan felt. It was a feeling Bruce knew all too well from his own family situation.  
After tossing his belongings in the space Bruce cleared for him, Janick went out, saying he had to look for work. His look was a mixture of determination and discouragement and after he left Bruce wracked his brain, going through the list of people he knew from his days with the band in hopes of coming up with a lead for Jan as a guitarist. It had been several months though and the few people he had kept in touch with here in the same situation he was - out of work and hoping for a break. The ones he had known who were still with bands hadn't stayed in touch, they had only been passing acquaintances anyway.  
Jan hadn't returned by the time Bruce left for his shift at the pub and Bruce was glad he'd had the foresight to give the other man a key to the flat. His shift felt interminably long that night and he had to fend off not only the persistent brown haired girl but a few others as well. Not long ago, Bruce realized, he would have gladly have chatted one up and convinced her to come home with him for a bit of fun but he couldn't seem to muster up the interest now. His thoughts continually strayed to the night before, and to Janick.  
When he got home it was well after two A.M. and he found Jan sleeping on the couch, newspapers spread across the table in front of him and an acoustic guitar lying next to the couch on the floor. Curious, he tiptoed over and glanced at the papers. All were open to employment pages and a few, he noted, were music trade journals folded to pages advertising auditions. Jan had circled a few and Bruce saw that most were located in towns some distance away. Bruce felt a mild surprise he realized he shouldn't feel. No one knew more than he did that local bands were almost never seeking new people, but somehow it hadn't occurred to him that Jan would be looking further afield. He felt a sharp pang of disappointment, which he knew was unfair. After all, there was no reason for someone with Jan's talent to limit himself to one small area and it had been clear from the start that their living arrangement was a temporary one. Still, looking down at Jan sleeping, long wavy hair spread across his back and one white shoulder peeking from beneath the blanket, Bruce knew he didn't want the blonde to leave. He felt an urge to reach down and touch the silky hair, an urge he had difficulty resisting. He went to bed hoping that at some time during the night he would feel Jan's warmth beside him but he did not.

Bruce woke to the delicious smell of bacon and eggs and opened his eyes to see Jan busy in the kitchen. He realized his new roommate must have gone shopping, as he knew he had neither bacon or eggs in his refrigerator before. He had known Jan would contribute to expenses, that had never been a worry, and he appreciated that he had done so without being asked. He sat up and raked his long, straight chestnut hair out of his face, yawning hugely.  
Jan looked over with a smile. "Somehow I knew you aren't a morning person, but I made a bite to eat if you're hungry."  
It smelled so good Bruce couldn't resist and after a visit to the bathroom he joined Jan at the small breakfast table by the apartment's only window. He saw that Jan had tidied up and the newspapers were all folded neatly in a pile. After a cup of coffee, Bruce felt up to holding a conversation and gestured to the papers.  
"Going out job hunting later?"  
Jan nodded. "Right after I wash up the breakfast dishes, actually. I have to catch the bus to Birmingham. They're having open auditions this afternoon for a hard rock guitarist. Not exactly my type of music but I'm really not in a position to be picky, am I?"  
Bruce weighed his words carefully. "Well, it's up to you but I'm holding out for something I'm more comfortable with, myself. I sing metal so I haven't even auditioned for anything else."  
Jan nodded. "Right, but you have a job in the meantime. I have a bit saved up, you needn't worry about my freeloading, but it won't last long so I want to get something happening as soon as I can"  
Bruce made a dismissive gesture, "I'm not the least bit worried about you freeloading. But have you even considered some other kind of work until something comes along doing the music you're passionate about? You're too good to be just a guitarist in some cover band someplace."  
Jan laughed a little. "You've only heard me play the one time!"  
"That's all it took. I've been in bands since I was sixteen, that's almost eight years now. I know good when I hear it."  
Jan looked pleased. "Maybe you're right. I don't think I could stomach it for long if I had to play Nickelback covers. I do have a few leads to follow up on here in town. Nothing exciting, but I might look into it when I get back to town. Do you work tonight?"  
Bruce nodded. "I work every shift that's available, so I actually work from four till ten tonight."  
"Maybe I'll pop round at ten, if you want to hang out after you get off."  
"Sounds good!" Bruce hid it, but he felt immense relief that Jan was treating him as just a mate after their incident the other night.  
After helping Jan tidy up after breakfast, Bruce watched as the other man opened a hard guitar case, drew out a shining white Fender Stratocaster, tuned it, and polished it with a chamois.  
"Beautiful guitar." Bruce couldn't help but comment.  
Jan smiled. "My pride and joy. The first expensive one I ever bought and the best I've ever owned." He carefully returned it to the case, slung the case over his shoulder, told Bruce he would see him later, and left for the bus stop. Wandering to the window, Bruce watched him stride along the street below until he was out of sight. Long, lean legs, tight firm arse, long wavy golden brown hair flowing halfway down his back. Bruce thought he had never seen a more attractive person in his life, male or female.

An earlier shift mean a different crowd at the pub and Bruce enjoyed chatting with the older, blue collar types as they stopped in for their after work pint. It was quieter and the landlord more relaxed, allowing Bruce to practice mixing drinks and having some downtime to read the daily papers . He could see what Jan had meant about there being few employment opportunities locally, and there was nothing in the 'musicians' column at all other than the usual bullshit ads from shady managers or sham record companies looking to take advantage of naive young rock star wannabe's. A daring thought was starting to take shape in the recesses of Bruce's mind, but he needed to give it a lot of thought before mentioning it to Jan.

Shortly before ten, Bruce saw Janick come into the pub and he could tell from his first glance at the man that the audition in Birmingham hadn't gone well. At the first opportunity, he went over and gave him a pint of what he knew was his favorite. "Not a good day, eh?"  
Jan took a long drink and shook his head. "There must have been thirty blokes at that audition, some with a lot more experience than me. That's okay, though, the band was even further from my field than I thought. Pseudo pop/rock garbage. It would have made some decent money, though."  
"Did you look into anything else?"  
"I put in a few applications here in town for some crappy jobs, but I'm not expecting much to come of it."  
"Well, tomorrow's another day, mate. I'm ready to clock out now, you want to go play some snooker or something?"  
Jan was agreeable and the two of them went to a nearby pool hall. Bruce was happy to see the worry fade from Jan's face and his natural sense of fun return, and by the end of the evening the two were joking and laughing freely. It amazed Bruce how easily he got along with Jan, it was as though they had known one another forever. The only cloud over the evening was a comment he overheard from a group playing at a nearby table after he and Jan had brushed off the attentions of a group of girls. "Pay them no mind" one of the guys said to the brunette girl. "They're obviously a couple of faggots." Thankfully, Jan had been at the other end of the table making his shot and hadn't heard. Bruce had felt his temper ignite, he had always been of a volatile nature, but he quelled it with an effort. He couldn't help wonder, though, why the man had made that conclusion about them from just observing them for a few minutes.

 

Three days later, Jan landed a job as a stocker in a department store. True to his nature he accepted it with humor, joking that at least his evenings would be free since the job was early mornings before the store opened. It was Bruce's day off and the two men were watching television over a couple of beers when Jan told him.  
"Have you ever had any job like that before?" Bruce wondered, finding that he wanted to learn more about Jan.  
"Something similar, when I was in secondary school. I worked in the produce department at the grocers for a few months until the band started getting out of town gigs and I missed too much work. What about you, what did you do before becoming a singer?"  
"Get into trouble!" Bruce laughed. "I got kicked out of school before finishing for playing pranks on the headmaster and I did some manual labor on construction sites, but I kept fucking off and getting sacked."  
"I find that easy to believe!" Jan laughed. "What led you from that into being a singer, though?"  
"Having a loud mouth." Bruce laughed. "I would sing on the jobs we worked and the entire neighborhood could hear me. We got complaints, but one guy had a band and said if I could bellow like that I should try singing for him. I did, and never looked back. Well, until now, I guess."  
"Kind of the same for me. I got a guitar for my twelfth birthday and never wanted to do anything other than play. I sat in my room and listened to records, copying all the notes until they sounded right. When Phil started the band and I started getting paid for it, it was just a bonus. "  
Bruce decided then to broach his germ of an idea to Jan. The worst that he could do was laugh and shoot him down. "Ever think about starting another band?"  
Jan made a wry twist of his lips. "It's not so easy, we learned that the hard way. It took us almost a year to get paying gigs, and the hardest part was finding other musicians we got along with well enough to work with."  
"You and I get along."  
Jan looked over at him with interest. "You're suggesting we start our own band?"  
Bruce shrugged. "It's a thought, isn't it? There aren't many metal bands in this area."  
Jan looked thoughtful. "We would need to find a drummer and a bassist, at the very least. And you and I have never even jammed together."  
"Easy enough to fix that. Get out your guitar."  
Jan laughed but retrieved his second-best Fender, plugging it into a small practice amp. "We're going to scare the hell out of the neighbors."  
"Fuck the neighbors, most of them are still at work anyway."  
They started with something simple, something they both knew backwards and forwards. Smoke on the Water. Halfway through the song, Jan was staring wide-eyed at Bruce even as his fingers automatically played. The man's voice was phenomenal! Not even projecting at full volume, his range and technique were spot-on perfect. Jan shifted into War Pigs and if anything, it was even better.  
"Air raid siren indeed!" Jan muttered as the last strains of the guitar died down, and Bruce burst into laughter.  
"No, I'm serious! How the hell are you not at the top of the charts, with a voice like that?!"  
"Same reason you aren't with talent like yours, I expect. We're particular."  
"We've got to do this, Bruce! We have to give it a shot."  
Bruce felt his heart swell at Jan's enthusiasm. He had fully expected the idea of forming a band to be laughed down. The two of them sat for the rest of the evening, alternately running through songs they were both familiar with and throwing out suggestions for other songs.  
"Have you ever considered writing your own songs, though?" Jan asked after a while.  
"Sure, of course! I've written sheets and sheets of lyrics but I can't write music."  
"I've written dozens of songs but I'm not good at lyrics. And something tells me if we put the two together, it will work out really well."

"We'll try, then. I have to dig out my notebooks, I'm not even sure where they are." Bruce was more reserved about admitting it but he, too, was catching the enthusiasm. There was a great deal to be done in organizing a band, he knew, but he felt more encouraged than he had in months that he could finally be getting back on the only career track that had ever meant anything to him. And he had Jan to thank for it. He knew that if the guitarist hadn't come into his life, he would still be sinking into the depression that had been plaguing him since the breakup of his old band.Jan reluctantly went to bed earlier than he normally would because he was starting his new job at 5:00 the next morning so after he lay on the couch, Bruce quietly busied himself by searching through tattered boxes in his closet for the notebooks he had been scribbling song lyrics in since he was in his early teens . Much of the early stuff could be discarded, he knew, but he made a pile of material he thought could be worked with. His early influences had been Black Sabbath and so some extent Diamondhead and Judas Priest, but he shared Jan's interest in Deep Purple and Rainbow. His own lyrics, however, tended to be of a more classical theme, no doubt drawing on his public school education, with references to mythology and history. To his knowledge, this was uncommon and that was one of the reasons he had never suggested his lyrics to his previous band. Criminal activity, paranormal allusions, and sex had been the main focus of their original songs but for the most part they had done covers of other metal bands. The idea of his own lyrics being performed was an exciting and somewhat intimidating one for Bruce.

As he sat cross-legged on his bed sorting through the notebooks, he found himself glancing from time over to the couch. From his angle, all he could see was some golden waves spilling over the arm of the couch and hear Jan's soft, even breathing, but he was keenly aware of his presence. Unbidden memories of their all-too-brief erotic encounter crept into Bruce's mind and he kept having to adjust himself, even the sweatpants he wore would become constricting when he thought of that night. Neither of them had referred to it since that first morning but he knew that Jan thought of it as well, he would sometimes catch the blonde looking at him with an unreadable expression, his gray eyes dark with something Bruce couldn't identify. Bruce eventually put his sorted papers aside and turned off his lamp, but it was some time before he was able to sleep.

Jan was quiet when he rose at the ungodly hour of 4:00 A.M. and Bruce only half awakened, merely turning to the wall and going back to sleep. He had an odd, half dreamlike sensation of the other man bending over him briefly, then it was gone and he heard the door snick quietly closed. When he wakened for good it was nearly ten and he found the flat immaculate, everything cleaned and put away, and he marveled at how Jan could have done that so quietly and still gotten off to work on time. Jan returned not long after, as Bruce was once again going over his lyrics while sitting Indian-style on the couch. He looked up after hearing Jan's key in the door.  
"Hey! How was your first day?"  
Jan threw his jacket on a spare chair and gave a shrug, grabbing a Coke from the fridge. "It's just a job, I suppose. Unloading boxes from a truck, organizing the contents, and putting it on shelves. Getting up that early is a pain in the ass but I'll get used to it." He sank down next to Bruce, taking a long swig from the bottle.  
"I felt the same way about bartending but it grew on me." Bruce nodded in empathy.  
"I suppose. What have you got there?" He indicated the dozen or so notebooks Bruce was perusing.  
Bruce showed him. "Been sorting out the garbage from the stuff that doesn't seem half bad, but I need another opinion. Would you mind looking through them, when you have time?"  
"There's no time like the present." Jan took the first book and flipped through it, stopping every few pages to read. Bruce watched for a minute, he found he liked to watch Jan doing even the most mundane things, then he went back to going over some of the some if the songs he wasn't especially happy with, crossing out parts and re-writing verses. Engrossed in what he was doing he almost jumped when Jan spoke.  
"There is some really good stuff here, Bruce. Unusual stuff, not the same old boring shit other bands seem to be performing. " He retrieved his acoustic from it's stand by the wall and after a few moments began strumming. At first it sounded random to Bruce but them he noticed a pattern and imagined what it would sound like on an electric at full volume.

 

Every few minutes Jan stopped and scribbled notes in the margins of Bruce's lyrics. Bruce pretended to still be going through his notes but he was actually watching Jan from the corner of his eye, watching the way his long fingers moved across the strings, blindly finding the frets as he looked at the lyrics in front of him, and rather than looking as though he were concentrating he actually looked relaxed and natural, as though what he was doing was second nature to him. And it was, Bruce realized. Of all the people Bruce had known, Jan was the only one he felt was a born musician.  
Jan looked up suddenly, catching Bruce watching him, and gave one of his smiles, the kind of smile that made something inside Bruce quiver in a way he couldn't explain.  
"I hope you aren't expecting me to write songs at one sitting!"  
Bruce laughed. "Of course not, I was just watching you work. I can play guitar after a fashion, but you make it look so effortless."  
"Lots of practice, I guess." Jan shrugged. "But I have to give some of these some thought. They're unlike anything I've ever tried to write before."  
"In a bad way or a good way?" Bruce grinned.  
"In a challenging way, and I'm actually kind of excited about it. I am getting kind of hungry, though. I picked up some things for dinner at the store, I'm going to fix us something."  
"You don't have to do all the cooking, you know. Or the shopping either, for that matter."  
"I don't mind, it's the least I can do to help out."

Bruce pitched in and helped as much as he could, though he had to admit Jan was the better cook, and after lunch the two of them went out. It was an unusually warm, clear day and there was a park several blocks away where they eventually found themselves walking through meandering paths between flowering shrubs. Their conversation flowed easily from one subject to another and Bruce learned that for a while Jan had taken courses at a University up north before devoting himself full time to music.  
"It was mostly to please my parents," he admitted. "I had no clear goal in mind so I focused on humanities. I've always found such things interesting; world cultures and how they've developed their styles of architecture and art. Maybe one day I'll go back to finish my courses."  
"I've never considered going back to school." Bruce confessed. "I hated it, I hated every minute of it. I was the odd kid, the short kid whose parents never visited him and who stayed at school over the holiday breaks rather than go home and be made to feel even more of an outsider in my own family than I already did at school." Bruce astonished himself at how much he found himself revealing to Jan, it was very unlike him to talk about himself in that way. For a brief moment he felt the touch of Jan's hand on his arm.  
"I really am sorry it was like that for you." The blonde's soft voice was gentle. "You didn't deserve to be punished for simply being born in the circumstances you were."

Bruce didn't reply, he was focused more of the brief touch of Jan's hand, a touch that he still felt though it had only lasted a second or two. The two walked on in contemplative silence, enjoying the sunshine and one another's company. The park was large and there were several other people about but Bruce was oblivious to them all, caught up in his own thoughts. As they headed back toward their flat they began to discuss the logistics of forming a band. They both knew they had to formulate a sort of synopsis of the direction they wanted it to take, the type of music to focus on, even the type of image to portray. Bruce had to work that night until closing and as he left the flat he saw that Jan had once again taken his journals and a guitar, playing and making occasional notations. Six hours later, when he returned home, he was astounded to find Jan still at it.  
The blonde looked up with a smile as Bruce entered. "Hey I think I've made some progress!"  
"And I think you need to get to bed!" Bruce declared. It was after midnight and Jan had to be up at 4:00. Jan glanced at the clock with surprise.  
"Shit! You're right. I lost track of the time."  
"Well, get your arse in bed, then!"  
Jan laughed but retreated into the bathroom, emerging a few minutes later wearing the athletic pants and sleeveless tee he wore as pajamas. Bruce noticed that obviously Jan wore nothing beneath the pants, and forced himself to look away with difficulty.  
It seemed that Bruce was asleep for only a few minutes when the subtle movements of Jan awakened him. He was already facing the room so he merely opened an eye to watch the slim blonde get up from the couch, stretch, then rub his lower back with a grimace. It suddenly occurred to Bruce that the old, sagging couch was probably quite uncomfortable but Jan hadn't breathed a word of complaint though he'd been sleeping on it for a week now. Then as Bruce watched, Jan slipped out of his pajamas, obviously believing Bruce to be sound asleep. Bruce had to restrain himself from gasping out loud as the other man's slender hips and pale, firm ass were revealed for a few seconds as he changed into his work clothes of black jeans and a khaki polo shirt. Bruce felt his mouth go dry and his dick instantly harden as he fought to keep himself from revealing he was awake. He very carefully crept his hand to his crotch almost without conscious violation, the flare of desire he felt was so compelling. Jan was running late and within ten minutes he'd left the flat. Bruce let out a sigh of relief, immediately gripping and stroking himself to a strong orgasm within a few minutes. The mere glimpse of Jan's body for a minute, probably less than a minute, had turned him on more than many long nights he had spent with women ever had. Sated, he fell back asleep, waking several hours later to messy sweatpants and a vivid memory of the fleeting glimpse of Jan's body.

Jan's shift was over at noon and he returned to find Bruce had prepared him some roast beef sandwiches for lunch. It was somewhat from guilt, Bruce knew. He felt like a voyeur, though an unintentional one, but try as he might he couldn't push the image of Jan's nudity from his mind. He was almost glad when it was time for him to leave for work. Jan had another audition lined up for that evening in a nearby town and this one was at least for a hard rock band that played some metal covers, but this time Bruce wasn't as dismayed. He now had the plans for their own band in the preliminary works and even if Jan got this position it would only be a temporary one.  
Jan came by Bruce's pub just before his shift was over at ten and told him the audition had not impressed him. The band were mostly still in their teens and far less experienced than Jan, so he had decided that even if he were offered the job he wouldn't accept it. The two men walked back to the flat though it was nearly a mile, Bruce's car hadn't been running well and he had taken the bus to work, and they talked the entire way, not only about music but about football, things they had experienced with their previous bands, and any random subject that presented itself. It wasn't until they were back at the flat that Bruce remembered to ask Jan about the couch.  
"Listen, I know this couch is old and not in the best condition. I think we should think about getting you a proper bed."  
"Oh no, it's fine." Jan protested. "I really haven't the money yet, I haven't even gotten my first paycheck, and you need to get your car repaired. The couch will do fine."  
"Nonsense! I've slept on it myself enough to know it will wreck your back.”  
"Bruce, really, it's okay. I can buy a futon or something when I get paid. That is....if you still want me to stay."  
Bruce was taken aback for a moment. "I guess I just took it for granted that you're staying, at least for a while. I suppose I shouldn't have assumed that, though."  
Jan smiled, a full smile showing his teeth rather than his usual smile. "I suppose I was just assuming that, if we'll be starting a band. I just didn't want to seem pushy."  
Bruce laughed outright at that. "If there's one thing I've learned that you are not, Janick Gers, it's pushy. Listen, we're roommates for as long as you want to stay, all right?"  
Jan was still smiling, there was something in that smile, some quality that made Bruce's breath catch. "All right."

Over the next few days the two men went through the music that Jan had been writing for Bruce's lyrics, and the more Bruce heard, the more impressed he became with the blonde's talent. They chose to work on the music after Jan returned from work and before Bruce had to go to work, at a time when the neighbors on both sides of Bruce were all still at their day jobs. As a result, Jan could play more loudly and Bruce could get his voice back into condition after months of not singing. They both knew that they would eventually have to find a more suitable rehearsal location but that would take money neither of them had at the moment. Jan spoke very little about his job at the store but Bruce knew it involved a lot of manual labor and lifting. In spite of his slender build, Jan was wiry and stronger than he appeared, something he proved at times when he got caught up in the music he was writing and began to sling his guitar around in the expanse of Bruce's flat. Bruce worried that he would accidentally hit a wall and damage the instrument but fortunately this never happened. Bruce certainly didn’t;t want to discourage Jan from his guitar acrobatics because when they were playing the cover songs they both knew well, Jan would get lost in full stage mode and begin to dance, often holding the Strat against his crotch at a perpendicular angle and, if the music got intense, he was unconsciously thrust his hips against it. Bruce found himself having to sit and hold his notebooks or a pillow in his lap to hide the raging erections he would get every time Jan did this. Jan did it without thinking, he knew, but the effect it had on Bruce was immediate and intense.

As they worked, Jan and Bruce fell into an easy camaraderie, the rapport between them growing to the point where they could anticipate one another's thoughts or ideas. Bruce had never had close friends. His comrades from school had been drinking buddies and his association with them had been focused more on getting into trouble than anything else. When he was younger he had been bullied and coerced into doing many things he hadn't necessarily felt comfortable with and the only good thing that had come of that had been his realization that he was as equally attracted to boys as he was girls. He preferred to forget his earliest sexual encounters however as they hadn't necessarily been pleasant and he hadn't always been a willing participant. It hadn't been until he reached his mid teens that he had actively sought out other young men who, like himself, were curious and who craved the same sort of physical contact as he himself did. A little later, it was the same with girls, especially after Bruce joined bands. But Jan was a true friend, and although they hadn't known one another long Bruce felt closer to him than he had ever felt to anyone. Jan was easygoing but had a stubborn streak, and he was a completely free spirit, coming and going at all hours though he always at least left a quick note for Bruce saying he would be back. But most of all, Jan cared, he really cared. Bruce had been around long enough to spot a phony a mile away, and Jan was as genuine a person as anyone Bruce had ever met.

Jan had been working at the store for nearly two weeks and Bruce had been taking enough extra shifts to get his car repaired, so the two of them worked out a schedule, since they worked different hours, where they shared the car. Jan always filled it with petrol and was also helping out financially in any way he could and the idea of his buying his own bed completely slipped Bruce's mind until he came home from work at 2:00 A.M. one night to find Jan sprawled on a blanket on the floor. Bruce nearly tripped over him in the dim light of the one lamp, stumbling against the sofa and waking Jan with a start.  
"Huh? What?" the blond muttered dazedly, then looked up at Bruce and hurriedly scrambled to his feet. It didn't miss Bruce's attention how he put his hand to his lower back as he stood.  
"What the hell are you doing down there, mate?" Bruce exclaimed, still startled over nearly stepping on the man.  
"Oh...sorry. Must have just fallen asleep."  
That was not an explanation and Bruce knew it, sitting next to his friend as Jan moved to the couch. "This goddamn sofa is hurting your back, isn't it? And don't bother to deny it!"  
"It's my fault, I got my first paycheck two days ago but didn't buy myself anything better to sleep on."  
Bruce knew the blonde had instead stocked the refrigerator and bought some household cleaning supplies. "Well, I'm not letting you sleep on that sofa any more. There's plenty of room in my bed for the both of us until you can get something of your own."  
Jan's face registered a shock that Bruce felt was unwarranted by that simple suggestion, then he realized why. He accepted the beer Jan handed him and softened his voice in understanding. "I completely understand why you wouldn't want to, but I promise you I'll keep to my own side of the bed. You can trust me."  
Jan sipped his beer, his face still unreadable, then he spoke, his voice so quiet Bruce had to focus to hear him. "I know I can trust you. I just don't know if I can trust myself."  
Bruce stared, belatedly realizing his mouth had dropped open. What was Jan saying? It was a minute before he could find his voice to ask. "What are you talking about, Jan?"  
Jan was quiet for so long Bruce didn't think he was going to reply at all, his long fingers picking at the label on the beer bottle and his eyes lowered. When he did speak, it wasn't a direct reply to Bruce's question. "I like living here, Bruce. I'm excited by the idea of our forming a band. We get along well, better than I've ever gotten along with anyone. But....." his voice trailed off and he fell silent.  
Bruce waited, then prompted him. "But what?"  
Jan looked up then, his gray eyes like stormy summer skies. "But I can't get the first night I stayed here out of my mind. I remember every detail, and...." his voice lowered to a bare whisper, "I liked it. A lot."  
Bruce was speechless, something completely alien to his nature. Finally he asked "And what is wrong with that? I liked it too, it was pretty damned good!"  
"But I'm not....not like that, Bruce! I'm even shy with women and I never even considered being with a man until that night! I acted like a complete tart!"  
"No, you didn't!" Bruce was emphatic. "You acted like someone who knew what they wanted and went for it! There isn't one damned thing wrong with that, Jan!"  
"But what does it mean? Why should I.....why did I have want you like that? Why do I still want you? I'm not gay! If I were I'd have known it before now."  
Bruce's mind latched into the fact Jan had said he still wanted him and he felt his heart jolt, but he grappled for composure and tried to find the right words." I'm not gay either, I'm bi. And I accepted it a long time ago. I'm not ashamed of it and I make no excuses for it, it's just the way it is. And maybe that's the way it is for you, too."  
Jan looked at him for a long minute. "If something happened between us again it could ruin everything."  
"I don't think it would ruin anything at all. Why would you think that?"  
"We're friends! And we're planning to be band mates."  
Bruce took a chance and moved closer to Jan on the couch, laying his half empty beer aside. "We would be even closer friends, if you wanted something intimate between us. And I'm going to admit something right now, just so there's no doubt. I do want something more with you, Jan. I have since I first met you. I haven't been able to get that night out of my mind either. " He had moved close to Jan now, their legs touching, but though Jan looked a little nervous he didn't move away. "But only if you're ready, and only when you're ready."  
Jan put his now-empty bottle down and it clattered a bit because his hand was trembling. He turned to Bruce and Bruce recognized resolution in his expression. "I would really appreciate you sharing your bed with me. And......you don't have to stay on your own side."  
Something, some quality of innocence mixed with pure sexuality, in Jan's face made Bruce lean forward and touch his lips to Jan's before he realized he had even moved. It was a soft touch, even though Bruce burned for the blonde he felt an overwhelming tenderness toward him that overruled everything else. He sensed Jan's apprehension but he also felt him return the kiss, a bit tremulous at first but with increasing enthusiasm as Bruce let his lips linger, kissing not only Jan's mouth but his face and trailing down his neck as his hand threaded through the long, soft hair to cup the back of Jan's head. Of the thousands of kisses Bruce had experienced, this was something different, something very special. In the back of Bruce's mind he knew he was falling for the slender blonde guitarist, and falling hard.  
Pushing that thought aside, he felt Jan shift to face him and he allowed himself to pull the other man closer, feeling the smooth skin of his arms circle hesitantly around him.  
"Do you remember that I said if we did this again it would be a lot better for you?" Bruce asked, his lips against Jan's neck. He felt Jan nod almost imperceptibly and felt the other man's lips pressing against his forehead, his fingers combing though his long straight hair.  
"I meant it. Will you let me make you feel good, Jan?"  
Another nod. Jan seemed incapable of speaking but he didn't protest as Bruce took his hand and pulled him to the bed. He lay Jan down on his back, his own body covering his but not leaning his weight on him, and he found his mouth again, kissing him more deeply. Jan's initial reserve was giving way to a passion that surprised Bruce, he felt the man's tongue touch his lips and he opened them willingly, meeting the tongue with his own, sucking on it and tasting Jan's unique taste, smelling the fresh scented shampoo as he buried his face in Jan's hair. He heard Jan sigh softly.  


"I don't know what to do, Bruce." he heard Jan whisper, and he met his lips with another kiss.  
"We'll only do what you want to do. If you don't feel comfortable, stop me. I will understand."  
"I want you to keep kissing me." Jan's voice was a near-moan and Bruce felt a surge of desire sweep over him that took his breath away.  
"I'll kiss you as much as you want, I'll kiss you all night. I never want to stop kissing you." Bruce was kissing Jan as he said this, trying to go slowly, trying to keep his hands from running over the smooth skin of the arms that were wrapped around him. He felt Jan's arms tighten, he could sense the other man losing control, his reserve leaving him as he grew more turned on. Jan's hands slid down Bruce's back then, pulling him tight against him and Bruce felt their groins press against each other.  
"Bruce...." he felt the warm breath against his ear, "you can do anything you want. You can do everything....."  
Bruce's breath caught, understanding at once what Jan was giving him permission to do, but he didn't want to rush this. If he let himself go he knew he would be too hurried, too rough, and he wanted this to go on and on. He wanted nothing more than to make it good for Jan.  
""You can do anything you want too," he murmured against Jan's neck, his teeth nipping lightly at the creamy skin. "Don't hold back, don't feel there's anything you shouldn't do. Because anything you do with me will be good!"  
Jan ceased speaking then, he returned Bruce's kisses and when Bruce pulled up on the hem of his tee shirt, Jan pulled it off, tugging at Bruce's as well until he followed suit. The hair of Bruce's chest felt different against Jan's smooth chest, it was a sensation Bruce hadn't experienced before and he found the blonde's virtual hairlessness strangely fascinating. He couldn't resist trailing kisses down Jan's chest, open, wet kisses followed by licks and nips, nipping at the dark buds of Jan's nipples until the other man cried out, twisting beneath him and grasping his head to guide him even lower. Jan was wearing the loose training pants he always slept in and they did nothing whatsoever to disguise his arousal. When Bruce reached the elastic waistband and dipped his fingers beneath it, he felt Jan momentarily freeze.  
"We don't have to go on." It took a great deal of effort for Bruce to say this as he wanted nothing more than to reach the treasure he knew awaited him mere inches away from his questing fingers.  
"No, it's not that." Jan's own voice was soft, almost dreamlike. "I'm just afraid I'll.....I'm afraid it will be over too soon."  
Knowing he had to give Jan a moment to calm down, Bruce slipped out of his own jeans, very conscious of Jan's ragged breathing so close to his ear. He heard the rustle of movement and realized Jan had slipped his own pants off as well, and Bruce was almost reluctant to turn toward him, knowing he was going to be overwhelmed by Jan's complete nudity. He could feel the heat of his body from where he lay.  
Jan was the one who turned to Bruce, pulling him close again, and the sensation of Jan's bare, lean body against his own brought a groan to Bruce's lips. He slipped his hands lower to cup the ass he had been admiring for these past few weeks and let his lips travel down to Jan's waist once again, though this time there was no barrier of clothes in his way. The first brush of his fingers along the velvety skin of Jan's erection caused the blonde to arch into his touch and cry out in a strangled moan.  
"Keep touching me, Bruce..." the words were so whisper-soft Bruce sensed them as much as heard them, and he closed his hand lightly around Jan. He ran his thumb across him, feeling his excitement, then lowered his head to take his first tentative taste. Jan immediately bucked his hips and Bruce smoothed his hands down his thighs to sooth him, to calm him down just a bit.  
"Relax, relax...we have all the time in the world." He moved lower to kiss Jan's thighs, soft kisses up their length followed by teasing licks to the testicles that made Jan moan a high whining sound that was the sexiest sound Bruce had ever heard. Jan was moving his hips against Bruce now, and Bruce couldn't restrain himself, he slowly lowered his mouth over Jan, using just enough pressure, just enough tongue movements to drive Jan to the edge without sending him over.  
"Stop..." the blonde gasped, "stop teasing me. I need you to...."  
Bruce smiled around Jan's length. "You need me to do what?"  
"Ohhh, you know what I need! I need you, I need to feel you against me! I need you to....to make me come!"  
"Mmmmm," Bruce hummed, still wrapped around Jan, swirling his tongue against him, and suddenly Jan cried out a short high pitched cry and Bruce's mouth was flooded with his hot seed. There seemed so much, it spilled from Bruce's lips onto Jan's belly and Bruce didn't relent until the other man stopped shaking. Then he let him go but lowered his mouth to the pale stomach, cleaning him and kissing him at the same time. He could still feel the trembling all through the blonde but otherwise he lay still and Bruce rose up to kiss him lightly. Jan lay with his eyes closed, a look of complete bliss on his face, for several moments then opened his eyes to look into Bruce's just inches above him.  
"You were right," he finally said, his voice still shaky. "That was so much better than the first time!" He reached up and brushed the long, sweat soaked hair back from Bruce's face and smiled, and Bruce felt himself falling so deeply in love he knew he couldn't deny it to himself any longer. He didn't say anything to Jan but he felt Jan reach between them and cup his painfully hard erection, squeezing and sliding his hand along the length.  
"What can I do for you, Bruce?" Jan asked softly. "I'll let you do anything you want. Even......well, anything."  
"You know what I want to do!" Bruce replied, his voice husky. "But you've never done that and I don't want you to feel you have to."  
"I know I don't have to. But......will it hurt?"  
"Maybe a little, at first." Bruce admitted. "But I will do everything I can to make it good. Are you sure you want to try this?"  
Jan nodded a little hesitantly, but his hand tightened on Bruce and Bruce couldn't help but move against Jan. "I do....but don't hurt me, Bruce."  
Bruce kissed Jan tenderly. "I will never hurt you if I can help it, I promise."  
Bruce had to tear himself away from the warmth of Jan's naked body briefly to go into the bathroom and dig through a cluttered drawer, finally emerging with a small tube of lubricant he'd initially bought for jerking off. He returned to the bed to find Jan stroking himself, almost fully hard again, and Bruce felt the pre come drip from himself at the sight. He climbed on the bed and Jan spread his legs willingly, letting Bruce's hands cover his own as he pleasured himself, but when Bruce's fingers slipped lower, down past his taut balls to slide his finger along Jan's opening, he felt the other man tense.  
Bruce leaned to give him a kiss, not stopping his ministrations below. He'd coated his fingers liberally with gel and he gradually felt Jan relax, particularly as his other hand returned to stroking him gently. Almost without Jan realizing it, Bruce began preparing him, knowing it was his first time for this and very conscious that he wanted it to be a good experience for them both. After the alarm faded from Jan's eyes, a look of desire and lust replaced it and Bruce knew he had found what he had been looking for which, from Jan's reaction, was something he had never experienced before. Jan reached up and circled his arms around Bruce, his eyes displaying a trust in Bruce that made him feel humbled and almost ashamed of the pure lust that made him want to devour the man beneath him, to simply consume him and ravage him like a primal animal. But he couldn't, his desire was tempered by an even stronger tenderness and affection and he responded by leaning over Jan and showering him with soft kisses as he slowly, carefully eased his way into his body.  
Jan flinched, catching his breath, and Bruce held himself still though he felt it was the most difficult thing he had ever done. Taking his cue from Jan's expression, he saw him relax and Bruce began to slowly, cautiously move.  


It took a few seconds, but then he felt Jan respond, returning his movements, his face in the dim light of the one lamp showing that he was still looking up into Bruce's eyes. Bruce shifted his angle, drawing Jan's slim legs up further to his chest, then he increased his movements. It was incredible, Bruce thought, his mind dazed. Jan's arms slipped from his shoulders down to his waist, pulling him closer, and as Bruce heard Jan gasp, he nearly lost control. Knowing that no matter how he tried he wouldn't be able to hold out for long, he leaned to kiss Jan, at the same time putting his weight on one forearm as his other hand crept between them to find and encircle Jan. This had the unexpected result of causing Jan to arch against him and move his body sinuously, much as he did onstage. Bruce lost all control then, his movements becoming more forceful, but by now Jan was meeting them with equal intensity. Suddenly Jan cried out again and Bruce felt his climax against him, pushing Bruce himself over the edge. He tightened both arms around Jan, overwhelmed not only by the physical sensations but by the intense emotional connection he was feeling for the man beneath him.  
Bruce's arms were shaking as he removed them from beneath Jan to slip to his side, holding him close. Jan's body was still wracked with diminishing spasms and for a moment Bruce feared he had stopped breathing altogether until he took a shuddering breath and returned Bruce's embrace. Minutes passed before either of them spoke, it felt that words would desecrate what they had just experienced.  
Finally Bruce reached up, careful to be sure his hand was clean, and run his fingers along Jan's face. "Was that anything like you thought it would be?"  
"I never thought about it. Not all of it, not everything. But if I had I couldn't have imagined it would feel so good. I expected it to be more unpleasant."  
Bruce smiled, feeling Jan's semen drying in his chest hair. "Somehow I don't think you found it all that unpleasant!"  
Jan laughed softly, but turned serious. "I know you've done things like this before but I want you to know it was important to me. I don't sleep around a lot, not with women and certainly not with men. I don't do this unless it means something to me."  
Bruce had to gather his thoughts to try to express what he was feeling. "I suppose I have fooled around a lot. Maybe too much. It was always a temporary distraction, a physical release. But with you, it's.....different. I'm not sure how to say it, but right now I can't imagine having sex with anyone else. This wasn't just having sex. This was making love."  
Jan turned to face him, mere inches away. "It did feel like that, didn't it?"  
"Um-hmmm. You want to know why?"  
Jan looked hesitant, like he wasn't sure he wanted Bruce to continue, but he finally asked "Why?"  
Bruce leaned up on one elbow and leaned over Jan, touching is lips to his. "Because I love you. And I've never said that to anyone and really meant it before."  
"I've never said it before at all, except to my family I suppose." Jan confessed. "But....I feel it too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ONE YEAR LATER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce was exhausted, shirtless, his long hair soaked with sweat but he was exhilarated. In the eight months since they had formed their band, this was their biggest festival and it had been a rousing success. They had performed mostly original songs, a daring move that their newly acquired manager had serious reservations about, but it had gone even better than any of them had hoped. He looked across the stage to Jan, and couldn't hold back a smile. His lover danced, whirling like a dervish, his eyes closed and his fingers flying over the frets so fast no eye could follow them. He had recently begun to incorporate tricks in his playing, swinging the guitar around his body of holding it high, but what Bruce loved most of all was watching Jan get so lost in the music he would press the guitar against the stacks, thrusting his hips into it as he manipulated the whammy bar or when he would hold it between his legs, tight against his groin, a look of exultation on his face that never failed to arouse Bruce. Sometimes he couldn't wait to have Jan after these performances. They had graduated up from a transit van to a second hand bus to travel from gig to gig and while the other three band members lingered backstage in the company of hangers-on and groupies, Bruce would practically drag Jan back to the bus, their passion at such a frenzy they were half naked before they even reached the bunk. They knew the other band members knew of the nature of their relationship. They didn't flaunt it and were as discreet as possible, but there was no way they could disguise either their physical attraction or the obvious love in their faces or their voices as they spoke together even of the most mundane things. 

It hadn't been all a bed of roses. The early days of forming the band were a struggle and they had gone through one or two prospective band members who had been musically qualified but who had obviously shown disapproval or even hostility toward them as a couple. Then they had become well enough known they had begun to attract groupies. Jan had paid them no mind, he had only eyes for Bruce, but Bruce had fought temptation a few times and on one occasion had been caught necking with a girl backstage. Jan had walked out, walking off into the London night in the cold winter rain, and Bruce had spent hours in a taxi looking for him. He hadn't found him until dawn, finding him huddled dejectedly on a bench in a small park many blocks from the venue where they had played, soaked to the skin. He hadn't even acknowledged Bruce when he approached him and wouldn't allow Bruce to touch him even to put his jacket over the icy cold sweatshirt Jan was wearing. Bruce had despaired and simply sat next to Jan, not speaking, not trying to touch him, until he was as cold and wet as Jan. It felt like forever, though it was probably less than an hour, before Jan even looked at Bruce.  
"Go back to the bus, Bruce" was all he finally said. His voice was hoarse, immediately worrying Bruce about his catching a cold.  
"Not without you. If you stay here on this bench for a week, so will I. A month, even. I'm not going to leave your side."  
"You certainly did earlier." At least Jan was talking now, but he had looked away again.  
Bruce hung his head. "I had too many beers. It's no excuse, but it's what happened."  
"You don't have to give me any reasons."  
"Yes, damn it, I do!" Bruce turned to Jan, his frustration and remorse getting the better of him. "I owe you more than a reason, I owe you more than an apology! I don't even know what I can do to make it up to you, but I will do anything."  
Jan shook his head. It was dawn now, a gray, foggy dawn, and the sounds of the city coming to life around them were starting to fill the air. "I've always known you like women as well as men. Hell, I do too. Or I used to. But I wouldn't....I couldn't ever....," he couldn't finish the sentence and Bruce saw him struggle to keep from crying. He realized Jan had probably been sitting there struggling with his feelings for hours.  
"Jan!" He seized the other man's hands. They were like blocks of ice, but he didn't pull away. "I don't say it very often, I don;t say it nearly enough. But I love you. Let me put that a better way. I'm in love with you! I'm not a saint, I make a lot of mistakes. I made a big mistake tonight, because I didn't want to kiss that slut. I only want you!"  
"You have a hell of a way of showing it!" Jan's voice was bitter and he was still looking away from Bruce in spite of letting him keep hold of his hands. A sudden fear clenched at Bruce's heart that he may lose Jan over this one stupid incident. He found that thought unbearable and for the first time since he was a small child, he felt his eyes fill with tears.  
"Jan....." even to his own ears he could hear his voice breaking, "what can I do?"  
Finally Jan turned to look at him but his face was unreadable. He looked cold and miserable but Bruce couldn't gauge how he was feeling, even his usually expressive eyes were blank. "You can't always fix everything, Bruce. Life doesn't work that way."  
Bruce was growing desperate and he clutched Jan's hands so hard it must have hurt. "I have to fix this! I can't lose you.....I can't face living without you. Nothing means anything without you."  
"I can't trust you, Bruce. For all I know, you shag groupies after every show!"  
"You know I don't, because I shag you after every show!!! I was drunk tonight, that whore was drunk, and I made a stupid mistake. Look at me, Jan. Tell me the truth. Do you really believe I want anyone except you?"  
Jan looked at him for a long, hard minute but Bruce didn't flinch.  
"No." Jan finally said, his voice scarcely audible.  
Bruce felt immense relief. "And do you believe I'll ever let this happen again?"  
Again it took Jan a while to reply. "No, " he finally admitted.  
"Let's not go back to the bus, Jan. We don't have another gig until the day after tomorrow. Let's go to a hotel, where you can get warm and dry. I won't touch you if you don't want me to, but please come with me."  
Finally, for the first time, Jan smiled a little. "What makes you think I don't want you to touch me?"

That had been their one and only true fight, and it had left a big impact on them both. Bruce wouldn't leave Jan's side after gigs, and he found he had no interest in any of the women, letting the other band members deal with them. He could tell it took Jan a while to regain his trust, but in a weird way it had brought them closer. They took some time away when the warmer weather arrived, though they really couldn't afford to, going to France and simply driving wherever they pleased for a week, staying wherever was convenient. It was something they needed, and they returned feeling their relationship was as solid as granite. Now with the band's growing fanbase and some interest from recording companies, they felt nothing but optimism.

Little did they know that forty years later they would be one of the most recognizable names in metal music. And still as deeply in love as ever.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


End file.
